FATHERHOOD IN THE 21st CENTURY

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FATHERHOOD IN THE 21st CENTURY

Let me get a bit serious on this one. So yesterday as I was reading through the daily nation I came across an article by one Karimi Gatigi  “Fatherhood is more than paying school fees” she says , Fatherhood is not just about getting someone pregnant, most men can do this, even with their eyes closed. You can read the article on,

 (http://www.nation.co.ke/lifestyle/DN2/Fatherhood-is-more-than-paying-school-fees/-/957860/3278910/-/if02vmz/-/index.html)

 In the modern society, biological father absence is one of the social problems with the estimated number going up each and every day. Personally I never grew up with a dad, It didn’t hit me how important he meant in my life till later in life when I needed to man up and pick up gentleman’s challenges as expected by the society. As a young boy who wanted to explore the world i didn’t have anyone to guide me through, mentor me and help me grow in such ways as a boy is required to. Many assume that is the role of a father to his son which is true.

The presence of a RESPONSIBLE father improves a variety of outcomes for children and serves as a protective factor against young men problem behaviors. I am not a fatherhood expert but I believe as a young man who hopefully will be a father to someone someday, I would like to share what I think is important to do as a father.

“Men, our families are dying on the field and many of us are not even suited up. We cannot allow the world’s affairs and its stuff to pull us away from our primary mission as a husband and a dad: To love our wife as Christ loves His church and build into the lives of our kids. If this isn’t happening on a regular basis, we need to call a timeout and evaluate our game plan.” Dr James family talk.

 

  1. Love your wife as Christ loves His churchand build into the lives of your kids. 

Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his fathers and mothers house and is united to his, wife and they become one flesh

When you vow before the church, family and friends to commit to only one woman till death do you part, let it come straight from your heart. If you love your wife and treat her like a queen, your daughters will do the same to their future husbands. Your sons will emulate you and treat their wives exactly the same way.

 

 Ephesians 5:25 love your wife like Christ loved the church.

 

  1. Bring up your children in the  ways of the lord

Proverbs 14:26

26 Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

            As a father, bring up your family in the ways of the lord Jesus Christ as he instructed.

Ephesians 6:4, Fathers do nor exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instructions of the lord.

 

  1. Humble yourself before God and your family

As we come near to God, God comes near to us…as we humble ourselves before God; He will lift us up (James 4:8, 10). As God pours His grace and truth into our lives through His word and prayer, that same grace and truth will overflow into the lives of our children.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”Joshua 24:15

 

  1. Be a friend and a cheerleader to your children

Celebrate your children every time they do something great with their lives. Be their best friend and they will confide in you with everything they do with their lives. That way you will never be in the dark with whatever is happening with them. In the same way a plant thrives when it receives a steady supply of water, a child’s self-esteem blossoms when he or she knows the acceptance and joy of their father.

 

  1. Be a father

A woman can only be a mother to her children; the role of the father is entirely yours. God has positioned you to be a leader in your family. Show your kids marriage works. Educate your children on behavior and social behaviors. Put the right boundaries in place. Make sure your children grow up to be responsible men and women in future long after you have left this world.

 

‘It’s time to man up and get the father job done. The role of a husband and a father is the most promising job on earth,’

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race.” 2 Timothy 4:7

 

Source ;http://www.drjamesdobson.org/blogs/the-fatherhood-challenge/the-fatherhood-challenge/2016/05/15/men-time-to-suit-up-for-the-game-of-your-life

 

“I pray the lord guides me to be a responsible husband and a father figure to my future children.”

 

PART 2

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……………………………The hood is quiet everybody is either working or in school. Outside is a few domestic house helps that are wearing tight torn clothes that probably were given by their employers when they first landed in the city. Near the tap is a few middle aged men and women probably retired who must be visiting their relatives in Nairobi for “treatment” and refused to go back to the village, stay out all day talking about politics and how their children are hardworking .Young men and women pass by and as a way of greetings busy on their phones remove the right side of the earphone just to say hi and immediately put it back once they hear the response.

 

Jamo your ever drunk neighbor who always has laundry of two torn white cum brown vests is busy jamming to loud lucky dube and bob Marley music .Once in a while he comes out wearing a sleeveless and black shorts with unmatched slippers that he probably got from his nephews house because they can hardly fit him to have a puff of homemade “fegi” and rocks very heavy metal  like headphones when he is busy scrubbing the sufuria black residue of ugali leftover he cooked last night. Life is so unfair in this hood you tell yourself. Aeration is needed in the house so you open the window and for the first time decide to open the door and immediately the hood cat dashes in your house like Sabine Schmitz on the top gear track. Two minutes later it comes out under your bed with a giant semi dead rat feeling like harambee stars after winning a match .Embarrassment cripples you and you decide to do a thorough cleaning of the whole house, so you pick up your bucket and straight to the tap where there is a long line of thirsty cob webbed  dirty jerricans waiting to quench their thirst .The devil of procrastination tells you to come back later after  mama shiku who spends the whole day at the tap doing laundry all week long .You wonder what kind of sensitive clothes she and her family wears that need immediate attention 24/7 .

You switch on your phone only to realize it’s almost going off battery is at 10% and “babe” as you’ve saved her in your contacts is about to get off her packages classes and pass by your house.On the realization that you can’t cook you get out your coins bank and grab some few coins and run to the bhajia mwitu just around the corner.”niwekee ya 40 bob,na jana ulinikata sana” you yell to the lady whose hand look like they’re straight from the quarry and the garage thereafter .They’re greased beyond recognition ,she grabs a nylon paper and starts serving you the hot bhajia chips. Before she puts in the second bunch her nose decides to itch she tries to “scratch” using her elbows but she cannot contain the itchiness you cross fingers she doesn’t do what your mind thinks she’s about to do. After the thought crosses your mind she inserts her index finger deep into the breathing canal .I feel disgusted and look at the phalanges as they rotate at 180 degrees round like a confused guy looking for sportpesa offices who just won 200 kshs and was told “kujia kwa ofisi”.

After the scary crazy disgusting index finger roaming in her nose she goes back to the business of serving me.I pay and go back to the house. It’s now lunch time so I put on some nice clothes and lil cologne here and there and pray she shows up before the food gets cold. Sitting on my 3 legged plastic chair that leans on the wall I plug in my wax filled earphones and start jamming to my own collection of music in my phone.i hear a familiar laughter outside and immediately get excited and composes myself as she is about to show up at the door.I get over excited as the footsteps get closer to my doorstep only to find out its my next door neighbor and his girlfriend.I go back to my music with a loud hearbeat.This day is going to be longer than expected I say to myself .”babe, babe” I decide to ignore at first she then shouts “babe funguo za loo aki nimekazwa” I hand over the keys to her and she leaves for the loo.10 minutes she shows up with dry lips  looking like an athlete who decided to walk on her final lap, sweat all over her face, looks up to me and says “aki babe tumbo” I want to laugh but I can’t this might jeopardize our relationship.”pole sana” and as any other Kenyan I drop the question”KWANI ULIKULA?” she looks at me with her puppy eyes and says “si ni zile bhajia za jana,hakuna kitu ingine nmekula ” I immediately felt guilty and remember I still bought her the same bhajia today.she enters the house and looks at the bhajia in theplate bitterly and says”seriously,ata leo?”

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PART ONE

Very EARLY in the morning at around 11 am you’re woken up by crying sounds from your neighbors’ 2 years old kid who is crying because the granules of weetabix he left last night after pigging out on a whole 400gms pack and passing out on the carpet has been feasted on by the minister(ess) of domestic affairs appointed by his mom a few days ago who looks like she’s suffering from an omnivorous related disease because the rate at which she is masticating food you can think the owner of the house is running a feeding program funded by the old man.

You struggle to open your squinty eyes and look around your one room cubicle which looks like  it was broken into last night and swept clean that you rented a month ago immediately after clearing campus and your ego doesn’t allow you to go back to your native village where you will get access to anything that you need simply because you want to prove you’re the man to your immediate form four  leaver girlfriend who is still struggling with computer packages that give her migraines everyday at a popular estate “computer college” behind your “base” where you met when you had for the first time rocked  your new pair of pink timberland boots and a rugged balmain jeans .

You turn and look up the ceiling,you decide to check your toes only to realize your duvet looks like a tent and you quickly come to terms with what every other guy wakes up to every morning. Yawning today lasts longer than usual and immediately develop interest to devour munchies. You hop out of bed unknown to you the edges of your kitchen cupboard ”legs” that your auntie from satellite donated to you after she upgraded to a cheaper  wall unit ,is waiting for your pinky toe like Kenya is waiting to end corruption .The edge of the bed collides on a head on,sorry I mean a toe on collision with your pinky toe and you scream a loud curse that forces you to sit down on your nusu mkeka carpet that got torn when Davie your guy came over with Joan and they played games that dragged the bed to and from its position closer to the door leaving the carpet in pieces.

Pressed to pee you grab the keys to the loo and dash out.”mhhhh”nodding your head (which is now the new way of greetings that replaced hello and niaje) you sound to kioko who is at the tap fetching water to  bath .what a wonderful feeling as you Close your eyes  and irrigate the walls of your shared toilet that is stained from the ground to the ceiling depending on the individuals(men) trajectory path the piss decides to take. You wash your face at the tap while listening to ken wa maria’s “fundamentals” straight from kiokos soprano backed up by endless whistles.